Finding myself

This is a very personal post and at the same time is a post that I think could be what I guess some of us have experienced in our lives: the need to find yourself, to find what you are going to do with your life, where you are going to be, as they say, in 1, 5, 10 years.

This question, so cliché, I know, but so true to me right now. I'm writing this before I forget, I'm writing this here because I know few people will read it and I'm doing it because I need to reflect about it and the only way I know I can do that is writing.

I feel overwhelmed. I have felt helpless for a long time now, so inadequate to do what I need / want to do, but still longing what I don't have. And today, the feeling that it's only in my hands the key to change all and give a turn in my way (a 180 degrees turn) makes me feel overwhelmed.

I don't even know where to start. I know I need to heal myself and erase that sensation that I can't do what once I feel confident to do. To be able to take care of myself, to do the best thing for me and then the rest will take its place.

But I feel so alone. I mean, I know I have friends who are there, who can help me in some things, but I can't put the whole burden in them. And the company I have, the person I need the most I don't think it's ready to even understand why I want to change things.

What to do? I need time to think about it. I need to start believing again in who I am, what I've done before and what I feel it's ok to be and to do.

I need to find myself, soon. Life is so, so short, certainly. I can't let all to happen to me, I have to do something to make things happen the way I need it. And I so need it. I have to find my strength.

Self image and self-esteem, really go together?

Even if my favorite topics in this blog are politics or the media, from time to time I write about self image, and the way a kind of body is being portrayed as how everyone should look.

But a few days ago I was talking with a friend about self image and how some people gives it a lot of value in their lives. And then, we started talking about self-esteem and she said that in certain way she believes liking how you look (self image) makes you have better self-esteem.

I am not sure about this. A person can love her/his spirit or her/his intellectual accomplishments without thinking much about self image (either good or bad). I have been in both places, sometimes believing I look wonderful and others believing I don't (and some times in hours, so it's a matter of perception too).

I don't know if self image should be so important in appreciating me and other people. I mean, I firmly believe that my worth as a person is not in the way I look. As I grow old I think it's not going to be easy to always look wonderful or even good because of the things age naturally causes.

This does not mean I will not take care of myself. I want to do exercise, to take care of what I eat, but is it logic to always be watching how I look to love myself?

This is a question, I don't mean to judge what my friend believes or if any other person thinks like this.