Finding myself

This is a very personal post and at the same time is a post that I think could be what I guess some of us have experienced in our lives: the need to find yourself, to find what you are going to do with your life, where you are going to be, as they say, in 1, 5, 10 years.

This question, so cliché, I know, but so true to me right now. I'm writing this before I forget, I'm writing this here because I know few people will read it and I'm doing it because I need to reflect about it and the only way I know I can do that is writing.

I feel overwhelmed. I have felt helpless for a long time now, so inadequate to do what I need / want to do, but still longing what I don't have. And today, the feeling that it's only in my hands the key to change all and give a turn in my way (a 180 degrees turn) makes me feel overwhelmed.

I don't even know where to start. I know I need to heal myself and erase that sensation that I can't do what once I feel confident to do. To be able to take care of myself, to do the best thing for me and then the rest will take its place.

But I feel so alone. I mean, I know I have friends who are there, who can help me in some things, but I can't put the whole burden in them. And the company I have, the person I need the most I don't think it's ready to even understand why I want to change things.

What to do? I need time to think about it. I need to start believing again in who I am, what I've done before and what I feel it's ok to be and to do.

I need to find myself, soon. Life is so, so short, certainly. I can't let all to happen to me, I have to do something to make things happen the way I need it. And I so need it. I have to find my strength.